I had now idea how to network: here's what I learnt

Looking back, the message wasn’t great - it lacked context and probably felt random. I wasn’t asking for money, just trying to start a conversation. Still, the gut-punch of getting blocked hit hard. I didn’t send another cold message for a month.

Now? I laugh about it. Cold emails are a long game. Most don’t reply, but when they do, it can change everything.

That was the first of many awkward lessons. I’ve got a folder full of cringe, but instead of dumping it all here, I’ll share the actual things that helped me get better.

1. Networking isn’t a game of Pokémon cards on LinkedIn

Just because someone’s connected with you on LinkedIn doesn’t mean there’s a real relationship there. I learned this the hard way when I started asking for intros, turns out, most people don’t actually know each other. So be intentional. If you’re going to connect with someone, do it with purpose. Send a message, set up a call, and have a real conversation about what you do and how you can be helpful. You’re not selling anything.

2. When you attend an event, go deep, not wide

If you’re at an event with 50, 100, or even 200 people, your goal should be to make 1–2 (max 3) meaningful connections, people you can text afterward and ask to grab coffee. Quality > quantity. Follow up. Stay in touch. Actually care. Relationships grow through time, trust, and consistency, which means you should also be selective. It’s hard to build more than 1–2 real connections at an event anyway, so don’t overextend.

3. Don’t show up only when you need something

Speaking from experience: building anything: a company, a career, a family - is hard. But relationships don’t work if you’re just taking. The world’s full of takers. Be someone who gives. Share people’s work, leave comments, refer others, connect people. When I meet someone at an event and I know someone else in the room they should meet, I introduce them. People are always surprised. I’ve had community builders tell me, “No one ever does that for me.” That’s wild. Be the person who does.

4. When you network, use your strengths

If you’re a writer, write. If you’re great one-on-one, ask for coffee chats. If big crowds drain you, skip the events. Do what feels sustainable. I like to mix it up, I don’t want to get too comfortable, but you should do what works for you. It should feel fun, not forced. I remember this awesome founder I met who said, “You’re such a natural at this.” I told her I have plenty of days where I’m not in the mood, but I still show up - because you never know what you might miss.

5. Be honest and curious

When I first started putting myself out there, I’d freeze up. I’d think, “I haven’t achieved enough. Why would they give me the time?” But curiosity goes a long way. Ask thoughtful questions. Show you care. I’m still figuring it out, but I’ve noticed my cold messages get a much higher response rate when they’re curious, respectful, and short. I include “no pressure” and ask if they prefer email or text, rather than jumping to a call or coffee right away.

6. Follow up without the guilt spiral

If someone doesn’t reply, it’s usually not personal. They’re just busy, and you’re new to them. Don’t be afraid to follow up. Once or twice is totally fine. As long as you’re not pushy and you’re respectful, it’s part of the process. Follow-ups are so underrated. I’ll share more on this in another post.

7. Be human

I know it sounds obvious, but really: be human. We’re all people with emotions, priorities, good days, bad days. We’ve all got stuff going on. If you’ve ever gotten a bunch of spammy, salesy messages, you know how annoying it feels. Nobody wants that. Especially post-COVID, people are craving real connection. The loneliness epidemic is real. We want conversations that feel personal, not transactional. So ditch ChatGPT please. Show up as yourself.

Rapid fire lessons from building my network

• You need a system to track who you meet, when to follow up, where you met. I use Airtable. Keep it simple.

• Some people won’t reply. It’s timing, not personal.

• Building a network takes time. Set weekly hours for it like you would for product or sales.

• Use warm intros when you can. Compounding relationships is real.

• Cold emails work better when they’re kind, curious, and short.

• Talking online about what I’m working on brings better conversations to me.

• Don’t pretend to know it all. People trust honesty more than polish.

• Avoid the event trap. Don’t use networking as an excuse to skip real work. You’re a builder, build.

My Biggest Lesson?

Build your network before you need it.

For years, I thought I had to do it all alone. I kept my head down and believed hard work would be enough. Sometimes it is, but the truth is, no one does anything great alone.

The founder journey is already hard. It’s a little less lonely when you have people to turn to.

If this resonated,  or if you’ve got your own networking fail or insight to share, I’d love to hear it.

X: https://x.com/rawscientist
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/irinaalinaconstantin/

A few words about me

I’m Irina Constantin—entrepreneur, educator, and avid reader with over a decade of experience in the tech industry. I’m the CEO and co-founder of VAUNT, a bootstrapped, profitable pro-tech startup transforming how residential developers sell properties worldwide.

I started my entrepreneurial journey at 21, founding a software development agency focused on B2B and B2C products. Today, I’m building VAUNT into the operating system of the residential industry. In 2024, over 73 developers actively use our platform to manage more than $1 billion worth of properties.

I’m passionate about leveraging technology to solve real estate challenges and committed to building solutions that create lasting impact. My work has earned me recognition, including being named to the Forbes 30 Under 30 list in 2022.

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